My Reality (post 1)

I went to my hairdresser yesterday.  I spent three plus hours alone, well, with another adult.  A female adult.  We talked fun fashion, we gossiped - just a little, we talked hair, we talked makeup, and we talked family.  One of our discussions went in the direction of people who become depressed and due to that depression become essentially house bound.  I think my hairdresser was SHOCKED when I said I totally understand.

First, she was shocked that I said I too feel that way sometimes.  That after multiple days at home with the kids when John suggests I run to get us food, or run to the store, I often defer.  In all honesty, it's partially because of a hygiene issue.  Mom of multiples insight, we come last and when last is fourth place, or worse, showering every day - let alone makeup, hair, and decent clothing - is a luxury.  I consider it a good day when I get deodorant on pre-funky smell.  (sorry, tmi I'm sure...but pretty much this whole post is).  Partially I defer out of a semi-depression.  It's simply easier to stay home away from people as is my new normal.

Second, she was shocked that my new normal involves little people only.  Her jaw literally dropped when I told her that pretty much, I have two friends that visit.  A third that kinda keeps in regular contact, and a sister-in-law who tries very hard even though she has her own family and busy life.  Now, if you live out of state and are saying..."but I fb you!", I'm talking people who are physically here.  Friends.  People who I used to consider friends that have now become fb acquaintances.  People who I used to consider friends who aren't even fb acquaintances but mere picture commenters.  Yep, she couldn't believe it.

I.  Am.  Lonely.

Surrounded by three littles all day every day, it kinda seems hard to imagine.  Here is my perspective:  I worked in the school district here for five years.  During that time, I met many people.  I even became close with some of them.  Some, three specifically, I consider "best friends" lacking a better, grown-up term.  Then I had the babies.  Had I had one child, finished my school year while pg, taken a year off, then returned to work this August I would probably still have all of those friends.  Meaning we'd see each other at random meetings or work functions, we'd chat, and we'd probably even see each other around town and chat then too.  BUT.  I had three babies.  I quit instead of taking sabbatical.  I don't run around town too often with three babies in tow.  So those friends now exist only in facebook comments.  Hence, I am lonely.  Now, if you are one of the two that honestly tries to visit (you know who you are) don't take offense.  I even named you to her!  ;)  But if you are one who is here, physically in Delta, who considers me a friend...well, remember we're talking my perspective.  Please feel free to put your perspective in the comments.

When the babies were first here we had help.  Some people felt that they shouldn't stop by, I totally understood!  I didn't announce our homecoming because I wanted to avoid the stopping by.  However, the babies are now 13 months old.  Everyone knows we are back in town now.  LOL.  But, nobody contacts me.  Well, actually I stand corrected.  I was invited on a playdate this week.  13 months after their birth, a "friend" from work contacted me for the first time and wanted a playdate.  13 months. First contact.  That doesn't make me feel like much of a friend.  That makes me feel lonely.  My hairdresser was again, SHOCKED that nobody comes to see me or the kids.  She admitted to figuring everyone visits us all the time and not wanting to be a burden.  Maybe that's how everyone feels.  But that is not the truth.  Not.  At.  All.

As I'm typing this I realize maybe it's the whole come-to-see-us part.  ??  But isn't that what you do when a friend has a baby?  You go to see them??  And when you know they had three babies, wouldn't you kinda assume YOU need to go to THEM?  Well, either way I'm here to tell you it would not be a burden.  It would be welcome.  

Not knowing where else this post is going to go I'm closing it up.   So I don't make you lonely too, I'll do another post soon about my amazing kiddos and their 13 month wonderfullness.  But be warned, I'll be back with another reality post...and when it's about the road to Delta only being one direction, watch out!